Well that was quite the 6 month hiatus, but I am back and more motivated than ever! For the past 6 months I have been busy working on myself. I am currently about 170 but I am down to a size 6 and lost about 40 inches all over my body since my last post in March about hitting that 100 lb mark. It is proof that your weight number doesn’t matter as much as you think it does. I am much less scale obsessed and all about fitness and being strong. It is so easy to become obsessed with weight numbers and being “skinny” because that is what society wants you to strive for. It took a long time for me to get over that and work on my health and fitness rather than let my scale dictate my life and leave me consistently hungry all the time. I now fuel myself properly for that activities I do in a day. I have accepted myself so much more now that I got idea out of my head.
Left: 178lbs May 2017 Right: 172lbs August 2017
If anything is proof that numbers don’t matter these pictures are that exactly. I worked on feeding myself the nutrients I need while working out consistently 5-7 days a week. I stayed the same weight while completely changing my composition. I have been maintaining, tightening, and toning and it helps keep me motivated to continue working on my continued progress of my personal fitness. For the past year I have been working with a personal trainer but as of last week I am now on my own. I plan on working hard using the skills she has taught me to continue my journey of health and fitness. It is time to get back to my goals and my blog posts! 🙂
Well the time has come…I have accomplished something that I personally didn’t think was going to be possible: I hit the 100 pound mark! It took me 410 days but I am so proud to say that I did it. There is a lot of physical and emotional ups and downs that come with an accomplishment like this but every single thing was worth it. I am so happy and comfortable with myself now, I really feel that I am in such a good place mentally, physically, and emotionally. One hundred pounds is a big accomplishment and puts me on the scale at 168 which is on the higher side of healthy for my frame but I don’t want my journey to be over yet.
I still have big plans for myself this year, I want to continue my physical transformation into being slim muscular and most of all fit. I want to be strong, I want to be able to go outdoors and be sporty. I want to be able to go on a strenuous hike or climb a tree. I want to have an athletic build for the first time in my life. Since I was a child I dreamed of having a sporty physique but I never pushed myself to try and get there. For me it was just easier to dream and hope that maybe one day I would wake up with one. Unfortunately that will never happen to anyone, but seeing myself now that dream just seems a little bit more reachable to me. By the end of this year I want to be between 145 and 150 pounds with an athletic build. I know I can get there, I just have to continue using my determination and my trainer to get there! Speaking of my trainer I need to give a special shout out to Megan at City Sports for continuing to work with me and help me meet and maintain my goals. She pushes me past the part of myself that wants to take the easy road. When I didn’t think I could do 50 lb hip thrusts she showed me that not only could I do one set but I could do 4 and super-set them with some hammer curls too! I know with my type of personality I need that push to help get me where I am going and where I want to be.
I never would have thought that I could learn something about myself and grow from using tinder, but I can honestly say it helped me climb out from the shell of my insecurities little by little all thanks to one handsome fellow who was a gentleman and not a creep. I got my tinder sometime in July of 2016 I was 65 lbs down and feeling pretty good about myself. By August I had 150+ matches and would chat here and there but when anyone would become interested in more than just basic chatting or ask for my snapchat and/or phone number I would cut the conversation and stop responding. I think I was fearful that they wouldn’t approve of me in person or from snapchat pictures that weren’t meticulously chosen and perfected with filters that made me look just a little bit better. After a while tinder became a game I played with my friends, swiping left and right and judging profiles. That went on until February 2017, I was 90 lbs down when I hit my 312th match, a cute Australian boy in the states on holiday. He hit me with a, “Hey how are you today?”, and I decided to answer. We chatted a bit and I decided to give him my number and snapchat. Now you might think, Ok whats the big deal? To your average 25 year old girl nothing, but for me it was. I had never given my number to anyone, gone on a date, or “chatted” with anyone in all of my 25 years. Why? It was because I let my weight hold me back, I was tired of showing interest in guys and never having anything reciprocated other than them asking me for notes or my homework. I know it sounds pathetic but it was true. I had myself wrapped up so tight in my own little world of insecurities that it even showed in the clothing I wore. You could not catch me in a neckline lower than a crew neck, let alone sending any kind of body shot to anyone else. However, when I started talking to this guy I found myself not wanting to hide behind a ton of makeup and snapchat filters. I was curious to see his response to a no makeup unfiltered photo of myself, and the response that I received was positive and it really had an effect on me mentally and emotionally. I became more comfortable with my body than I had ever been before and I had finally opened up to someone other than my really close friends.
Currently I’m about a week into consistently talking to and exchanging snapchats with this guy and what I am finding the most important thing about it is the changes that I see in myself and my mentality. I feel so much more confident in myself and my body, not saying that I don’t have insecurities, I just have a lot less of them now. I feel so much more empowered and full of self worth. I personally think that it is a bit unfortunate that it took some male attention to persuade myself to be a little more free and feel more worthy, but the human psyche is a fickle bitch. One thing that gave me some food for thought was that for some reason I didn’t feel that I was being pressured into something that I wasn’t completely comfortable with. There have been PLENTY of guys on tinder that were interested and wanted to talk…to an extent before reaching the netflix and chill question. I think the difference this time was that I started with the mindset of this guy is cool, I want to talk to him because why not? What do I have to lose? The answer is nothing, if I don’t ever meet him, so what? If we stop talking, so what? All that matters is that I feel liberated from the stupid insecurities that I let hold me back before. So thank you tinder guy for being a gentleman and not trying to send me dick pics right off the bat, because let’s be honest they’re not all that they’re cracked up to be, and thank you for helping me feel so much better about myself than I did before, even if you never know that you did.
My last post was in the end of November and I had made it through Thanksgiving. Between then and Christmas I managed to drop another 5lbs reaching a total of 90 lbs lost. 90 lbs down is a good place to be at the one year mark and for that I gave myself a break from mid December to January 15th, then it is back to the grind. I had all of the holiday treats and New Years fun that I wanted but I have set new goals for myself. My goal for this year is to drop another 40 lbs or so. I am thinking that will put me in a size 4/6 which is what I really would love to be. This year is really a new year and a new me.
The other half of my resolution this year is to have more fun. When I was overweight I would distance myself from participating in group activities that involved being in public and meeting new people. I never really noticed it at the time or realized why but I think a major part of it was fear of public ridicule of my size. I never really acknowledged that it was a thing that actually happened, but as I went back and thought of times where people said comments or rude things it was more than I expected. I never thought I let these things get to me but I was protecting myself by distancing without even realizing it. So this year I will do more, see more, and meet more people so that I can allow myself to have more fun. Come Monday morning the 15th my celebratory party is over. It is back to the gym back and back to stricter eating, bring on #Hardbody2017
Well I kind of went on a two month hiatus, not from my lifestyle change but from my documentation routine. I had a lot of up a few here and down a few here on the scale and at one point didn’t go to the gym for 3 weeks in a row! I know….terrible behavior. However, I think I needed it, I am currently 85 lbs down and feeling and looking better than ever. I had some true moments of happiness and bliss during that time that really helped me grow as an individual and a person emotionally. I feel more at peace with myself and my life at the moment. While my body is not where I want it to be as my final goal, at the moment I am very happy with my progress. I made it through the food holiday resulting in a 1.8 lb gain that I am fairly confident I can lose by tomorrow or the next day. I have come to the realization that I want to put myself out there more and do more things because I deserve it and I am actually quite a catch. I don’t need to sit at home in my pjs thinking about all the fun I could be having if I was just at my goal weight. I am happy with my body today and grateful to have made the changes I have made. These two pictures are a little under a year apart: I am thankful to feel wonderful when I wake up in the morning and to always look forward in my life changing endeavor. I wear less makeup now and often I am in a better mood. Food doesn’t have the same kind of hold over me as it used to, I don’t feel the need to have it or miss it. I look forward to the rest of my journey because in a way it has just begun.
The dreaded plateau, I hit it for a while causing me to hiatus for a while because I became so stuck on losing those pounds. Today I hit a pretty big milestone; I am down a total of 80 pounds and I feel fantastic. I was really struggling for a while trying to cut down on everything to get back into gear. It was not working, but then I just continued my usual exercise and started to add more foods that I was restricting from myself but in small portions and my body reacted in a weird way. I started to pick up the pace of my weight loss again. I am not really sure why it was happening but I drank a little beer I ate some snack food and some of my mom’s homemade meals and my body was accepting it all.I almost wonder if it boosted my metabolism and the way that my muscles burned calories.
I am coming towards the final stretch now and I feel better than I have ever felt. I feel more fearless, confident, and at peace with my life than I have ever felt before. My weight is close to matching what my license says and that was me lying about it by 15-20 lbs my junior year of high school. If I have any advice for someone who is hitting the plateau it would be to not give up and try new things or a different approach. Don’t be afraid to mess around with your diet and see if something better works for you. I am ready to hit this challenge out of the park.
Habits, easy to make and tough to break. Changing around your entire lifestyle becomes the hardest when you have to change your habits. You have to get rid of the old and make new habits. For me it takes constant repetition and reminder and eventually I fall into the flow of needing to do it. Help make yourself rely on the new healthier habits. When changing the way I lived I found that maintaining new habits of exercise and journaling were the most important habits to create for me both physically and mentally. When going through such a big change there is a lot of emotional and stressful baggage that comes along with it. My best outlet for dropping that baggage was creating a journal. I made a folder on google drive and a new entry for every month. I would write often daily and sometimes just a couple of times a week. It is where I dump my thoughts, worries, and frustrations of my daily life that I didn’t always feel like sharing with others. My journal is a place where I set goals and check back on them to see whether I accomplished them in the way that I said I would. I always feel better after a journal entry, I often do them in the morning as a way to clear my head for the rest of the day.
Writing in a journal may be a much easier ritual to work into than frequent exercise and I think that it really is just as important for you emotionally, but exercise is sort of a two birds with one stone activity. I say a minimum of 1 hour 3 days a week and a maximum of 6 days a week. Exercising is a great way to clear your head and cleanse your body. It makes me feel better about myself and takes my mind off everything other than the task I have at hand. I get so focused and in tune with what I am doing that I really don’t think about anything other than pushing myself just a little bit further, bypassing challenges that I could not do before. You learn how things affect your body and that really helps in the long run. Last year I did not do either of these activities and this year I have come to rely on them. I need to let my thoughts out otherwise my head get clouded and I get anxious, I need to exercise and run and make my muscles work and burn so that I can feel stronger and better about myself. If there were two habits to be reliant on these two are good to have. My last little vice that I have come to acquire is my need to weigh myself everyday. I don’t necessarily think that it is a very healthy habit but I need it to help keep me on track. I weigh myself every morning to make sure that I stay on track with my weight loss and that I don’t let myself gain. I have found that by doing this I learn what different exercises and foods do to my body. When I am not eating a lot of green vegetables I notice that the weight doesn’t come off as consistently when I do. It is just a reassurance for me that hopefully one day I will not need so constantly.
Serving size…something that I never paid attention to until this past year. I think the biggest eye opener for me was when I decided to make a dish of pasta for myself. I checked out the nutrition label and one serving is 2 oz. I measured it out and made the 2 oz of pasta, I stared at the tiny pile of noodles in the center of my bowl and could not get over the amount of negative space I was seeing before me. That is the moment I realized how much I had been over eating for years and years. If I had to guess I would say that before I changed the way that I ate I was probably eating about 8 or 10 oz of pasta at a time. That is 4 or 5 times the recommended amount of pasta that a person should be eating and before that moment I had no idea nor did I really care, but that one meal really put some things into perspective for me. I now always watch my serving size and keep it to one serving or less, depending on the food that I am eating.
The easiest things to go overboard with on the serving size are snacks and treats, my way of preventing this is pre-measuring and packaging them in bag so I know exactly how much I am eating and when it is gone I am done. NEVER EAT OUT OF AN OPEN BOX OR BAG! It is way too easy to over do it and leave yourself full of regret.
When it comes to things that are even too fattening or unhealthy to have a whole serving just take a little bit or piece of it just to have a taste in hoping that it will suffice to devouring the whole thing. For me my weakness is fresh donuts, when your best friend owns a coffee shop and gets fresh donuts every day it is such a hard temptation so I settle for a bite. I have become that annoying friend that always wants a bite, however I am very lucky that my friends are okay with that and are always more than willing to share. Well at least they appear to be. If the item is not too terrible split it with someone. When you do this always take the smaller half. We are no longer greedy with food, it is better on someone else’s hips than on your own I always say.
You will always come to a time when you just really want something, and you want all of it. You don’t just want one serving, and you don’t want to share, and that is OKAY! Just last night I went to the movies with my friends and I got a diet coke…I know what a joke. I sat there behind the line waiting for them all to get their candy and popcorn and the big box of hot tamales was sitting there staring me in the face, I wanted them so bad so I thought you know what I am getting some god damn hot tamales. My plan initially was to only have a few, then it was I’ll only have half the box, the next thing I knew the box was empty and I has happier about it than I was guilty. After the movie I had a brief moment of panic while I wondered how much weight this little stunt was going to make me gain, but you know what, I woke up this morning alive and completely fine. I also woke up weighing 1 lb less than I did the day before. My lesson that I take away from that situation is that when you are good all of the time it is ok to break the rules and splurge a little. Just as long as it is a little and not all of the time.
Sometimes making big changes can seem like a daunting task. The best way to take on a challenge is starting with the little things. I was a slug of a human being. If I wasn’t laying down watching tv I was in the kitchen making food to eat while watching tv, and I needed to change that. So, I started small. Instead of leaving my clothes on the floor I would pick them up and put them away.If I had the option of elevator or stairs, I would take the stairs. I would do squats and crunches while I watched tv. If I dirtied a dish I washed it right after. Cutting out laziness was definitely the first step I had to take to get myself into the right mindset. For me there were no shortcuts anymore I tried to be as “active” as possible, and it slowly started working.
I started to feel less and less of a struggle while I did things and it slowly became a habit to not be a sloth. Laziness is a very easy habit to get back into, even to this day I have to remind myself that I need to work a little harder and go that extra mile and make sure I don’t get back into old habits. The little things not only work for activity and exercise but they work with eating habits too. Changing little things in your diet can make quite a big difference in your outcome.Get your dressing on the side, dip the fork and not the bite. It carries the flavor and drops 3/4 of the calories. Try drinking your coffee with half the amount of sugar or maybe try some agave. I completely skip the cream sugar and just add a little whipped it had some of both to mellow the coffee without being overabundant.
When you go somewhere to eat your first choice might not always be the healthiest choice, it is just what you’re used to. Try something new instead of the creamy ranch with croutons and cheese go for the spinach salad with the beets and goat cheese. Your palate can change quite a bit when you change your diet due to your body craving the things it needs more than what your brain wants. You may find yourself wanting to try things that you never liked before. Personally I would not eat beets for years and years, then when I was dieting I decided to try them. I found them to be completely delicious; sweet, tangy, and satisfying. Changing little things may help you learn more about yourself than you would think. I just always saw myself always living that lazy POS lifestyle because it was easy and that was the way that I was. What I came to find out is that I didn’t have to be. I changed little things in my lifestyle that helped me change little things about myself as well.
Josh Grobin really showed his appreciation for whoever was raising him up to more than he could be. I myself don’t have the pipes to show my appreciation that way so I’ll just have to put it into a blog post. When going through such a big change of lifestyle it is very important to have stability in other areas of your life. To me the most important area is friends and family. Having friends and family that will go the extra mile to support and accommodate your needs is the most wonderful feeling. I am in my 20s and that means that myself and my friends love us some In-n-Out. Unfortunately that is not really a nutritionally sound meal, thus it brings my friends and myself to a crossroad. Do we eat In-N-Out and make our dieting friend suffer or do we hit up the salad bar at whole foods for some fresh greens and veggies and maybe a cup of soup? Luckily for me I have really awesome friends that were always down to get their veggie on. My friends would even go as far as stocking their houses with healthy snacks so that we had something to share when we were hanging out together. That is a true support system there and it really made me feel the love.
Having a major lifestyle change can be very straining on a friendship and I myself just happened to be very lucky. Not everyone will want to change their habits and ways to support and accommodate you. That doesn’t necessarily make them a bad friend, why should they be expected to change because you want to? There is definitely a happy medium to everything and often these problems can be solved with a little conversation, and the best place to have a conversation is on a walk! It’s a way to kill two birds with one stone; having alone time to talk with your friends and getting in that exercise that you need to keep pushing through. I would walk with my friends 4 or 5 times a week and we would spend 1-2 hours just talking about stuff that was going on in our lives. When you are changing so much everything is new and exciting and you want to tell those close to you. I felt like I could sometimes get annoying and repetitive, so I asked and made sly apologies for all of this ME talk. Make sure you listen to your friends too, don’t forget to support them in whatever they’re doing in their lives and thank them for being so supportive in yours.
I am going to do it now. I want to thank all of my friends and family for being so supportive of me and helping me change my life. Thank you for putting up with my weird nit picky eating habits and my hanger. Thank you for listening to me complain about my sore muscles and blistered. Thank you for being happy for me every time I sent a text saying I lost another pound, even the 70th time! Just thank you for being kind, supportive, and helpful with everything that I needed you guys are the greatest and I love you all!